Balancing Act: How to Savour Freedom Without Losing Purpose
The Retirement-Paradox: torn between the idea of relaxation and the fear of boredom or losing a sense of purpose.
The original meaning of the word "retirement" is to withdraw or retreat. However, a large group of today’s retirees is not viewing their lives in withdrawal. They may be ready to leave the jobs they have been doing up until now, but most are eager to stay active and engaged in one way or another. The changing demographics of the world and the fact that we live—and stay healthier—for longer are creating a whole new phase of life. Today, on average, one can expect to spend 22 years in retirement. That is a large percentage of our lives, and most people do not want to—and/or cannot afford to—spend this time in withdrawal.
What I hear most commonly from people getting close to retirement is that they can’t wait to gain the freedom of managing their own time and doing the things they want to do. On the other hand, they fear becoming invisible, bored, and irrelevant. They find themselves torn between the idea of relaxation and the fear of losing their sense of purpose.
So what is the best way to manage this new (upcoming) leisure time and stay intellectually engaged? Here are my three pieces of advice:
1. Nurture purpose - in action and mind.
Having a sense of purpose is of paramount importance to our well-being. We all need a reason to get up in the morning, despite challenges or discomforts—something that gives us pleasure and/or purpose. In my mother tongue, Danish, we use the word livskraft, which can be translated as ‘life force.’ We also see the concept of life energy in Eastern cultures. In Chinese, for instance, chi or qi refers to a force or energy, and it is believed that a proper flow of chi is essential to maintain our health. In other words, no matter our age, we need to be connected to some inner force of motivation that makes our life worth living—something that makes us feel alive now and motivates us to keep living.
What to do: The problem with books or courses that ask us to “find a purpose” is that it can easily become something grand, like finding a cure for cancer or creating world peace, which can feel overwhelming. Of course, it is admirable to aim high, but purpose can also be found in something much less ambitious—and often in the everyday things you are already doing. You don’t necessary need to find purpose - it might already be there - you just need to look at it with new eyes. Purpose is just as much about your mindset as it is about actively setting and working towards a goal. My advice is, once again, to set aside time to notice, reflect, and make conscious decisions about the way ahead.
What in my current life gives me purpose and/or pleasure?
What have I enjoyed doing in the past?
What new areas of interest would I like to explore in my future life?
Based on that, what changes am I going to make in my life?
2. Choose your focus—and take the time to decide on it.
One of the challenges many new retirees face is the psychological bias of choice overload. This refers to the paradox where having too many options can lead to making no decision at all, which can also lead to anxiety. As individuals approach retirement, they often face a myriad of choices that can be overwhelming and impact long-term financial security and quality of life. The pressure to make the "right" choice amidst a sea of possibilities can lead to paralysis or regrettable choices.
What to do: At Phronetiq, we recently completed our first cohort of the “Thrive in Transition” program for people about to retire or who have just (semi)retired. One of the things we heard repeated in the feedback was that participants greatly benefited from taking the time to discuss and reflect on this new period of their lives. So, my advice regarding choice overload is to set aside time to explore your options. Press the pause button on everyday life. This can be done by scheduling time each week for your own reflection (It is a good idea to start this habit before you retire), or by joining a program like ours, which guides you in the process and facilitates opportunities to connect and discuss with others who are in the same phase of life.
3. Find balance between doing and being.
We often talk about work–life balance. I think we are better off by finding a balance between striving/achieving/working and resting/healing/reflecting - those are not necessary done at home or at work. We have created a society where we are always striving to do things. Only rarely do we allow ourselves to just be. We have become human doings instead of human beings. Our nervous system is wired on this balance; when we have been busy, we need time to rest. If not….. well, we are witnessing the results in today’s world: stress and stress-related diseases such as high blood pressure, heart problems, overweight and strokes.
When we retire, society seems to allow us to finally rest, but most of us still believe we need to constantly strive and achieve. I meet many people who feel guilty when they retire. On the other hand, spending too much time on the couch is not good for our health either.
What to do: According to clinical psychologist Paul Gilbert, there are three types of emotional systems that drive us:
threat, for when we feel in danger and focus on seeking protection;
drive, for when we strive towards achieving a goal; and
sooth, for when we rest, heal and give or receive love and care.
In the two first systems we are in doing-mode – in the last one we are in being-mode. We need to be in all three at different times of our day to have a balanced healthy and safe life.
Ask yourself this:
Which mode dominates my life right now?
What would the ideal balance be?
How can I make this happen?
Knowing how to find the right balance between doing and being requires that you listen to your body and your emotions – not just the thoughts in your head. Sometimes you need to prioritise spending more time in one of the modes, for instance if you are going through health problems. Your body will tell you this, if listen to it.
Navigating freedom, purpose and rest can be a challenge. It starts with consciously allocating the time to investigate inwards, reflect on your needs and desires and finally make some conscious decisions and plans.
I would love to hear how you are balancing your life between doing and being. Please let me know in the comments.
If you would like to be facilitated in the process, Phronetiq is now offering the Thrive in Transition programs on a regular basis.
We are doing info and Q&A sessions every Thursday on Zoom at 12:30 PM - 1:00 PM (Dutch Time) with the next one coming up on Thursday, Apr 24.
or join one of the following sessions via this LinkedIn link
Listen to how some of the participants in our pilot overcame choice overload: