Choosing discomfort to thrive
Why we sometimes need to rebel against the signals our cave-man brain and body is sending us.
My arms are aching, my buttocks are sore. I can feel yesterday´s workout all over the body. But it is a good feeling. As I strain to get up from the chair today, I take comfort in knowing that the discomfort I felt yesterday during the workout is good for me. It might sound strange, but we must break our muscles down to build them up stronger. Everytime we do physical exercise, microtears happens, which makes the body send good nutrition and blood to the area to heal. This is how we build muscle mass.
Another discomfort I am trying to put myself through (but haven´t quite mastered yet) is to take cold showers. Why? For many reasons: Research indicate that it boosts our immune system, improve circulation, promote recovery, and increase resilience to external stressors. I know for sure that I get an immediate boost of happiness as endorphins and other neurotransmitters are released in my body immediately after.
Last week I did something very uncomfortable: I stepped out of my comfort zone and moderated a panel of behavioral change experts at an AgeingFit conference in front of a large group of people. It was my debut as a panel moderator, and I was a bit worried beforehand because I wasn´t in control of what would be said and asked. I did it anyway because I know that we need to challenge ourselves if we want to build resilience and continue to grow.
I also try to avoid comfort in a lot of ways. I limit my intake of fat, sugar and alcohol for instance, and I try my best to not get caught up in the dopamine-seeking pleasures of social media. It is hard, but I know that these short-lived pleasures are not going to give me the life I seek.
The biggest discomfort I have put myself through was to go on a 10-day silent Vipassana retreat, which involved 10 days of silence and intense mindfulness meditation following a strict schedule and rules for what we were allowed to do. It was not what I usually associate with the word “retreat”. It was bloody hard work mixed with hunger, lack of sleep and being cold. But I gained so much insights from it. Among other thing I started to understand the concept of dukkha. In the English language this is often translated into ‘suffering’, but a more correct definition would be ‘discontentment’, ‘discomfort’ or ‘dissatisfaction’. Life contains a lot of dukkha, and as human beings we are wired to avoid it. The reason why exercise, cold showers, or moderating panels for the first time feels uncomfortable, is because our cave-man brains sense danger in doing them. From a short-term survival perspective, I would be much safer if I avoided them. This is how our brains have evolved; to keep us safe and make sure our genes get into the next gene pool. Our cave-man brains are not wired for long-term mental and physical well-being.
It is not easy to live healthy lives when our minds and bodies urges us to avoid discomfort and rewards us when we go for immediate pleasures. But luckily our brains have also developed a prefrontal cortex which allows us to foresee the consequences of our actions. If we can recognize and accept that dukkha is part of life, we can learn to acknowledge and sometimes override the urges it gives us. We can let it become a source of growth. When we notice the resistance of discomfort, we can start to say something like “Thank you brain for keeping me safe by letting me feel discomfort, but I am choosing to do some push-ups anyway to keep me happy and healthy”. In other words, we can learn to rebel against the way we are wired.
But sometimes the urges should be followed. The discomfort I get when touching a hot plate and urge to pull away is definitely something I should listen to. Or maybe the tiredness and urge to rest after going through too much stress. So how do we know when to obey the signals our body and mind is sending us and when not to? It is a very valid question and there is no quick answer. Each one of us have to explore our own bodies and minds and find out what is important to us to create thriving lives. The most important is to start noticing the urges, the resistance and the attractions and then realise that we have a choice in how we choose to respond to them.
Practicing mindfulness can help us. One starting point could be to practice awareness. My guided meditation “Practicing, Notice it, Note it, Know it could be a good start. You can find this under Chapter 5 on my website: https://thrivinglife.eu/ageing-upwards-meditations/ or simply press this button and try it out right now.
Once you have become more familiar with noticing, noting and knowing, you can try out the guided meditations in chapter 9 (also on https://thrivinglife.eu/ageing-upwards-meditations/ ) which help you practicing ways to respond consciously.
Meanwhile, I am off to bake a cake. Because the pleasure of eating cake is an urge I deliberately choose to follow - despite knowing it is not healthy :-)
Warm regards,
Berit
PS. For those of my readers that are based near Leiden in the Netherlands, I am starting an 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course on the 9th of April, which will give you plenty of opportunity to explore the theme of this post. Details can be found here: https://yourtribes.nl/specials/mindfulness-training/